I've been really depressed lately. I sound like a fucking emo kid. Actually, nah. I don't. I'm sound like a goddamn human with a chemical imbalance in her brain. How do we know if its actually a chemical imblance, what if we're supposed to be certain ways? I've spent most of my live, since being 11, living in my head and being incredibly moody. It's not bi-polar disorder, its not nevereding angst. It's not 'teenage bullshit'. Because my grandmother and my mother are the same. They just resort to pills, booze, drugs.  I used to take pills, stopped because I ran out of money to buy them. Stopped taking different drugs because I realized it got me fucking nowhere, and alochol is alcohol. Hah. Everyone I know thinks I hate booze. I love it. I mean I hate beer and most coolers, but vodka is my true weakness. I just don't want to come off as being just like the rest of my family. In ways I'm just like them. but in most ways I'm pretty well the exact opposite. I KNOW I'm not my mother. I may or may not be my father however. I look like him, I'm musically inclined like him, we both have fucked up senses of humour, we both like to travel. Things like that.

Back to the love thing for a minute. I wish I could find someone. I really do, someone who loves me for me, not just parts of me, and someone who won't take off because they don't like something about me. Fuck. I'm really used to it so it shouldn't bug me so bad but for fucks sakes. Why can't people accept other peoples faults? Shit fucking happens. I can't have EVERYTHING in common with someone. Yes, I have a past, yes, I like escapism. But at the same time I fucking confront my issues, because you cant run aaway forever. I'm overtireed. My room still smells like alcohol. Fuck.

   I know alot of people have shitty fathers, or don't know their fathers, I've only known mine for a year, he's not an asshole to me or my friends, just my mother and I'm sure a few dozen other people.

 My dad's brother is coming down here from Red Deer, and he's a tattooist. YES, FREE TATTOO(S). Dad said he'd fo sho do it. Becuase I'm his neice and I should have gotten my first tattoo a long time ago according to my parents. Dad brought up the idea of both of us getting 'Shut up, Johnny.' Becuase I noticed alot lately when I'm watching Jackass and I'll cut off Knoxville by saying 'shut up, johnny' and going to the next scene. First we were gonna get t-shirts that said that we're are were, but yeah. I probably will get like a heartagram done, and get shut up johnny really small somewhere not too noticable, haha.

  Words cannot describe how good my fucking day was. Jordyn & I woke up around 9:20, and we had to meet my dad at 9:30 at McDicks for breakfast, so we got there around 9:45. Amazing, we're are. So, that was fun, then we went to the mall, didn't do much there, and then we went to Tim Hortans and got ice caps, walked around, went to the rec centre and laid on the grass for about an hour. Jordyn & I rolled down that huge hill a few dozen times, and decided to go into that forest-like part, we found cardboard that someone wrote on, it said 'Car theives hang out area lost luggage check out the bushes in guildford way' piss myself laughing much? That was great.

Earlier, we went into wal mart and in the cheap DVD box we rearanged them to make a sentance 'The sixth day, hot shots, Two guys and a girl, fifteen minutes, nine months, bratz' Those were the movies, and we arranged them like that. So funny. Then we came back to my place, and nobody was home so we chilled for a bit and I packed my stuff becuase we made plans fifteen minutes earlier to go to my dads trailer (which is in a really nice trailer park,) and he would cook us dinner and I was to be home at 9:30 and so on, Joanne was fine with that. Dad really liked my room.

   At dads place, Sheena was watching movies and dad was cooking, then we ate, I adore my dads cooking. He's so great. We had shrimp (which jordyn and i peeled) salad and some sort of meat. And I know that sounds really simple, but it was so damn good. Oh yeah, and before all this I was texting my mom, while we were walking to Macs to get a slurpee, and I said 'Hi mom, I'm with dad, happy early moms day' and she replied 'Thanx. What r u doin wit yer father?' I said 'Going to Macs and visiting, Jordyn is here too'
'Cool. Say hi to her'
'Dunn deal. Call me sometime, damnit'
'K. Lets hang out this wednesday, I have alot of free time'
'Alright. The fire in your eyes, reminds me of gonnereah'
'Eer.'
'I gotta go, Dad's about to blaze'

And whatever. the rest isn't important. We all sat at holly park for a while and Jordyn & I kept rolling down hills, I yelled 'BALLS!' 19 times (all before we went to dads place, I just forgot to add it) then we were on our way.

  Dad and Sheena were smoking pot, I didn't, I don't want to unless I'm sleeping over there, becuase I don't want to come back smelling of pot & whiskey. But he doesn't care, he'll let me, and any one of my friends. He's cool like that. And I know it seems like I'm bragging, but I just had a good time.
Then at around 9:00 PM we all ate a thing of ice cream. WOO. And he gave me a gray Old Navy sweater and a pack of cigarettes. AND A LITTLE GLASS TURTLE! And I let him borrow my 'Legend in my own mind' shirt, becuase he really liked it.

Alright, good enough.
blessed be